Hiya folks,
Sorry for the lack of posts - life gets busy!
Just wanted to let you know that I was thinking of friends and family at this time.
I hope that this time is filled with peace, hope, love and fun.
Stay safe folks, hopefully we will catch up in 2011.
Love.
I must be getting more sleep than I was, because today I woke at 3:30 and could not get back to sleep.
After laying in bed some time with my mind ticking away furiously I decided I would be better off with some quiet time before routine imposes itself upon me.
Life has been good. It has certainly not dull, but I feel more centred and able to cope with life at the moment than I have in a long long time.
Days tend to melt into each other with little pockets of change but there is an underlying level of contentment that is very satisfying.
BabyCakes is working hard, and having a frustrating time with a big project, but hopefully one day soon the job will end and we can move on from it and not have to deal with all the drama that seems to emanate from the project.
Miss Squid is growing and evolving in front of our eyes in the most wonderful ways. Her vocabulary is growing and she surprises us almost daily with new words. In the last week we have had some social events with her cousins and second cousins, and have really noticed how tall she is getting. She needs to work on her sharing skills a little more, but I think that is all a part of growing up.
I think all three of us have found a bit of a pattern in life and are glad to maintain the routines, which for my money, are much better than the manic mayhem that tends to develop without them. Some days I do wonder if I'm getting a little boring but I do realise that this is not my life forever, just for now, until something else comes along to move the centre of balance.
I hope I find more time and energy to write again soon.
Still losing weight :) 4.1kgs to date. Some weeks have had smaller losses than others, but so far a steady downward path. It has been heartening.
This week will be telling, I haven't been counting points!
Weigh in is weekly. 1.2kg down.
More importantly, my awareness of portion sizes and the my ability to exercise self control has been re-confirmed. I'm happy with the start.
Now to maintain the programme.
:)
I'm at the edge. The edge of a place I'd rather not be.
Our Wii Fit tells me I'm dangerously close to the "Obese" line, which is interesting given the amount of people willing to tell me "You're not fat". The inanimate software is not afraid to tell me I'm almost obese, it has not rose coloured glasses to soften the blow.
I must say, I tend to agree more with the machine than the well meaning friends. I caught sight of myself in a shop window last week and it horrified me. I looked positively round. It is always confronting when I have one of those "slap in the face" moments. There is a part of my head that thinks I'm at the other end of the "ideal weight" range. It is where I was when I was 23 and I don't feel that much different in my head, mostly. Then I look a bit harder.
I was pretty much a control freak when I was younger. I think I have mellowed a fair bit as I got older. In some ways I like the more relaxed me, I'm not so uptight. The discipline could be better though. It seems like an obvious thing to say, but I think my lack of discipline spilling over into my attitude towards food has had a lot to to with my weight issues. I reactively became a lot more self indulgent when I learned I could be. When my life became less structured, it became *really* less structured.
Unsurprisingly, these changes mirror the time my weight started ballooning. There was also a dalliance with hormonal contraceptive in there too. That's a whole other story though.
So, I think discipline as much as the hand/mouth thing is key to working my way through this to a healthier weight. I have started Weight Watchers and even in few days since I've started things have changed a fair bit. Just the simple fact of knowing I have to write down what I eat makes me more inclined to think about it, let alone the scary prospect of having to assign a point value to it.
The programme itself only has a weekly weigh in so I'll see how that goes on Thursday. I did drag out the Wii Fit today though, and I think I'm in a good spot.
I was talking to a friend about my weight and proposed weight loss and life in general. They very confidently said "I don't doubt you can lose the weight you want, you gave up smoking." A statement that made me think about things completely differently, and much more positively. I was a smoker for pretty much 15 years before I managed to shake it, and I feel quite happy to be an ex-smoker this time round. I have no desire to get close to starting smoking again. The last time I quit was vastly different from any of the times previous - well for a start, I actually did stop and for about 3 years now, which is a pretty big difference really), but other than that, it was surprisingly easy. I didn't really struggle.
I have been overweight for about 10-12 years now, so that's less time, and I feel happy that this time is different. My head is in a different spot, and I really believe I will do this, and be able to make permanent changes to how I eat.
I am ready to walk away from the edge, and never get there again.
This post took about 3 days to write, so I apologise if there are inconsistencies in tense or I repeated too much!
It has been too long since my last post, I dare say that there will be no-one left who checks my blog!
On the off chance there are people who still check, I will try to post more regularly!
Also, in an effort to reclaim my identity apart from mother, I have created a blog just for Miss Squid's stories. This is so I have a record independent of Crazy Cat Lady that one day Miss Squid might even take over herself.
Life is good.
I'm starting to re-find myself, having finished up breastfeeding at about 10 months, and losing the last of the baby hormones at that time. I do feel different since losing the hormones. I have lost some of the lingering drive to put aside "the plan" and have another baby sooner rather than later. The thought still lingers, but it is easier to rationalise.
The household is starting to get more sleep and more of a routine, which is WONDERFUL! We're starting to have more energy to take control of our lives and catch up on stuff around the house (even aside from sleep).
Recently we've tidied the spare/computer room and managed to fit a double bed in there to give us more flexibility when we have friends and family visiting. Babycakes has also done a large scale (and much needed) clean up under the house and it looks fantastic.
I've also started on another theatre project as Assistant Director for Catch 22 at the Brisbane Arts Theatre. We're 3 weeks into rehearsal and it is shaping up well. Most excitingly the cast seem very keen and talented. I'm looking forward to seeing how it develops over the next few weeks. I expect we'll have quite an entertaining show come show time!
I will try to write again soon, and now that I'm starting to have more energy, I realistically expect I can do it!
Until then!
