Easy Like a Sunday Morning

It's Sunday.

The neighbourhood is largely quiet except for the occasional dog barking and bird chirping.

Miss Squid is on the floor, starting to get frustrated that she can't move where she wants. She can move, but so far its not directed movement. She rolls and finds herself off her rug and onto the carpet. She then proceeds to wiggle and squirm in a way which only serves to make her skin red, without managing to get closer to the toys that were once all around her, before she rolled away from them.

I'm torn between giving her what she loudly expresses she wants, and letting her find a way through the frustration to take action and overcome the first of many hurdles she has to face. I settle on repositioning her in the midst of the toys sprinkled on her mat, propping her in a slouched sit. The toys provide the motivation to slowly lower herself to the floor as she reaches for a toy and again she is on her belly and soon doing 360s again as she pulls herself around in circles with her upper body, her legs moving, but very much uncoordinated with her upper half.

It is a simple pleasure, exciting and ordinary all in one as we watch and anticipate the huge leap of independent movement which is happening and about to happen.

Miss squid flashes us her gummy smiles, no sign of teeth despite the huge amounts of food she consumes: cereal, fruit, veggies, yoghurt, toast - all devoured happily, readily and with gusto.

She is growing well.


She makes me smile and I'm glad to spend my time with her.

I Know How I Could Make Millions...

If I could bottle the effects of the hormones I have coursing through my body right now, I'd be rich.

I feel fantastic.

I'm happy, calm, serene, and all of this on broken, disjointed sleep of a duration less than my norm.

I celebrate poos, wees, burps and farts.

My routine, my life has gone out the window.

The bank balance is dwindling at an alarming rate.

And to top it off, most alarmingly, I would happily be pregnant again tomorrow despite the fact that intellectually I know that is not our plan, nor is it something I'd aspire to.

I'm very happy. This is working for me at this point in time.

I like it.

Love, Fear and Perfection.

Now, I admit I have a lot of hormones coursing through my body doing their funky thing, but WOW, BabyCakes and I made a beautiful baby. Now we just have to look after her until she can look after herself.

I know that there will be arguments and frustrations, and that at some stage she will loathe us and blame us for everything we did (and we're bound to do lots) that has totally ruined her life, but for right now, she is perfection. A pooing, weeing, burping, farting tiny tiny bundle of perfection. It takes my breath away sometimes, and depending on how much sleep I've had, she can stir so many varied emotions.

When I'm tired and generally sleep deprived, the responsibility of being so totally key to her survival inspires huge amounts of fear for the unknown, the possibility of how many ways a child can be hurt and harmed, and how I could despite all my best intentions fail her bubbles over and almost paralyses me.

When I've had more sleep, and feel calmer and more secure in myself the sheer awe, love and excitement I feel when I look at her is inspiring. I want to be a better person for her, I want her to have and be the very best I can offer her (and more), and I desperately want to nurture and love her and watch as she grows into her own person and take joy in that journey together.

I know most of these feelings will get buried in the mundanity of life, and I'll get caught up in survival over time. At this stage my whole day revolves around her needs because she can't do anything to help herself, but in time she'll grow and will start learning skills, and I'll go back to work, and the bills will keep getting paid and the world will happen around us.

This is such a small window of time, and such a magical one. So many firsts for her and us. I know from the outside it is easy to think that a week old baby has't changed much since they were born, but ask a parent and they'll be able to tell you all the milestones that have come and gone in the short space of time, and the milestones ahead to be faced each day.

Crazy chemicals, or the meaning of life. I don't care. It's an amazing roller coaster that is my whole life right now, and it is so wonderful.



And I don't care if it is really gas, I see a smile and it melts me.