Life Gets in the Way

Hiya,

Lots has happened since I last posted. The house purchase has gone unconditional. YAY! The tenant has given notice, and we have a moving date. We don't officially know that though until the house is ours.... and that will be next Wednesday. Double yay! Moving day is set for Saturday 10th of November which is almost more exciting.

The flat looks awful at the moment - we reclaimed everything from storage in an effort to save some money we didn't have to spend and we quite literally have boxes stacked up all over the place, and some messes arising from not having items that all completely fit into the boxes that have been packed - lots of "half-a-box-fulls" - that is what most of the mess is.

I started organising the services to be disconnected and reconnected which definitely makes things feel a lot more real, realer than the packing boxes everywhere.



For me, the last couple of days have been tough. Ever have moments that undermines your confidence so completely that it scares you? I do.

Up until a few days ago the working plan (always room for possible change), was that we get married and start not trying to not have kids. (re-read that if you have to, it will become clearer)

A couple of comments from different sources have made me feel scared and insular, and made me want to be selfish and safe. Walking round shopping centres and hearing parents and children, and children and children interact is also undermining to the tenuous desire to accept that I might do ok as a parent, that we'll find a way, that we will cope with parenthood.

Signing documents like a shared mortgage, thinking about what happens if something happens to one of us, life insurances, those looming mortgage payments... HUGE. Just plain huge, in anyway you look at them. A large part of me wants to hunker down, shut out the world and concentrate on making our home safe and secure for the two of us. I think that is quite natural. But I can't focus all my energy on that. We're planning a wedding, a honeymoon, thinking about kids.... I can also tell you that if we'd had that magic one dependent on the mortgage documents, I don't think we'd have had such a smooth loan application process.

I don't know.

I wanted to get some of my thoughts out of my head, to purge them. I have no idea what is happening next, I think I need to just concentrate on the next step, and do as best I can with that.

Holy Moly!

We have had 4 real estate agents through in the past week to look at our home. They all wanted on their books, and quite frankly, all had a pretty similar offer in how they would market the property. We in the end chose an agent that we thought would look after our interests and also be a fair agent on our behalf when dealing with prospective buyers. It is a mind wracking process to be honest, and simply picking the agent seems like the first hurdle of our new journey. We have picked the agency that we have the strongest affinity with and a balanced offer in their sales style. Our current home could be on the market as soon as next weekend. EEK!

It is absolutely mind numbing to think that this process could see us homeless for a while... We have to have a bit of blind faith (and contingency plans), that we will be able to go from the flat into our new home. The market moves so quick and is very intimidating for it. All I know is, while we haven't sold the flat, we can't afford to buy just about any house, and certainly not the home we want.

Making a decision to list and who to list it with is a big emotional step. We're excited though. We're getting closer to buying a house.

Ikea Furniture, Babies, Cars, Mobile Phones, eBay, Photographers and Dressmakers

Life has been busy. I shall endeavor to explain my title further....

Ikea Furniture
BabyCakes and I assembled flat pack furniture together - it MUST be love.... no one lost a finger, or even better, dignity (mind you BabyCakes did look on in wonder as I pulled out the instructions to read).

Our Ikea visit started (relatively) innocently enough one Sunday afternoon (imminent tax cheque burning a hole in our pocket given our constant saving-for-the-wedding/honeymoon focus) , with the purchase of some new bedroom furniture. Then my infatuation hit its first test of commitment - one box of flat pack furniture that had lovingly been wrestled in an out of the car was less than perfect - the pieces were damaged!

We assembled what we could (that which wasn't broken), and marveled at not only our skill in putting the furniture together, but our excellent design choices and late change in colour, whilst studiously ignoring the poor left over box of chest of drawers, to be swapped at a later date. The following Thursday we loaded up the Triton with the mangled box of Ikea parts, and headed back to Mecca, I mean Ikea. The return process at Ikea at 8pm on a Thursday night was surprisingly easy... they looked at the poor box of unwanted Ikea, didn't give us a hard time about the ripped box we returned it in (who worries about how the box gets opened when one is planning to keep what is inside??), or our desire not to just replace the pieces that were obviously damaged, but to get a whole new box and start over.

They credited the money spent back onto a "refund card" which was pretty cool, because as BabyCakes pointed out, it was a bit like spending money all over again.... We picked out a replacement, paid for it with our returns card and headed home.... I even waited 'till Friday to put it together and complete our bedroom furniture escapade...

Then BabyCakes' Mum wanted to get us our engagement gift, now that she's feeling much better and stronger. So, that Sunday we dutifully went back to Ikea and picked out our dining room table... and some chairs to match. The table is something we plan to keep for quite some time, deliberately buying an extension table to help us out with that goal. Thank you Mr & Mrs BabyCakes for our fantastic new table!

The table was exceptionally heavy, but very easy to put together - just add legs! The chairs however were a different story... once we worked out what the instructions meant it did go a lot more smoothly, but they were definitely the biggest challenge to motor skills that we have bought from Ikea so far!

They only had two chairs left on their shelves late in their Sunday... so guess what? We have to go back to Ikea again!!!

We also left BabyCake's Mum with a fist full of brochures for wall units for her lounge room (she likes Ikea almost as much as I do!), and I'm sure that we could be called on to help once she's made her decisions for that too.

Babies

In amongst all the Ikea visits life did actually keep moving, and BabyCake's cousin and his wife had a very cute baby girl on Sunday evening in Cairns. Baby Chloe was 5 pound 13 ounces when she was born (we'll call that 2.64 in metric terms). Mother and baby are doing well by all reports, proud Dad has sent through several pictures of their little bundle, with huge smiles all round.

My brother and his fiancée have moved past their due date on Sunday and are waiting on tenterhooks for the arrival of their first child too. Good luck guys! They also both started up blogs to document their journey (and have a place to write it down once and refer everybody to it...) Their Journals are now added to my list of blogs I read, check them out if you are interested!

We also found out that BabyCakes' sister is expecting, congratulations Nin, not only on the great news, but for winning the family baby race!


Cars
The Last Sunday in July sees the Queensland Chevrolet Car Club at their annual show and shine at Eight Mile Plains State School. Ordinarily, this event would not be top of my "things to do" list, but planning a wedding does strange things to you.... We saw a really cool car at the Hotrod show in at the RNA show grounds earlier this year, and we were hoping to see it again at this event. We did, and we finally got a chance to meet the owners of the stunning vehicle. This time round we were also able to get a bit closer up and fully appreciate what a beautiful car this 57 Chevy is. They have agreed to pencil in our wedding date and were very glad to hear that we had such strong feelings for their car. We haven't talked prices yet, but have swapped details, and acknowledged a definite intent! Yay! Now we just have to make some decisions about what the rest of of bridal party are traveling in!

(We've organised the bright purple car for the wedding, the other pics are cars I thought were cool)


Mobile Phones
We went and saw The Simpsons Movie. It was fun, just like a giant Simpsons episode in Cinemascope. The weird thing is, that the pre-show advertising caught me... Subsequently, BabyCakes bought me a very cool and very small limited edition Simpsons phone... It's bright yellow! It also has some of those wizz bang new fangled gadgets like a camera and polyphonic ring tones on it. (That's how up to date I am!). As I write this my phone number should have finished porting, in fact I literally got the text to confirm this as I was typing - spoOoOoky! So, I have now changed from Vodafone to Optus, not because I was in anyway unhappy with my Vodafone, but because the phone is locked to Optus for a bit, so it seemed easiest (and cheapest) to swap, at least for a while. Those of you on Vodafone, you will have to start paying for your calls to me, and those of you on Optus, you might get free calls to me... Mostly though.... how cool/cute is my phone??!!

You will be glad to know that even a Simpsons tragic like myself declined to stick the Homer "flasher" on my phone... it is a doo-hickey that flashes when one's phone rings... sad that THAT is the market that the advertising was aimed at, and I bought it.

Now I just have to keep plodding along with the arduous task of manually swapping my contacts over because the old phone wont swap information from phone to SIM and vice versa.


eBay
Last week I stumbled across what I deemed to be a bargain at David Jones. 3 books for $40, and included in that special were the last remaining first edition copies of "Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince" I bought one, along with a copy of Dan Brown's "Angels and Demons" and "The Bride Stripped Bare". I mulled over my bargain as I went home, and checked out eBay. I was right, copies of HP & the Half-Blood prince were going for more than $13 each... That night I went back and for the princely sum of $40 started speculating on eBay. It was very exciting when my listing received its first bid, and the excitement waned from there as it hasn't as yet had any further bids. There are, however, 10 people watching it... and I haven't told 10 people about it, so there *must* be some more interested buyers lurking for that last minute bargain, mustn't there?

I saw too late (as I was peeling stickers off it) that there was a touch of damage to the dust cover of this edition, which is why it went up first (leading with the weakest). The other two copies (one an adult cover) I haven't quite decided how to manage. I could keep them for a while as they can only go up in value really, or I could sell them to get a quick short term profit.... ahhh the decisions! I guess it will depend on how my first eBay sale goes.


Photographers
I asked a question of my friends a couple of weeks ago, that it seems I didn't want an answer for. It was with regard to a wedding photographer... One of the hardest components to decide on, for me.

Our original budget for a photographer started at zero, then went to $500, then went to $1,500, and now is at the $2k mark... As you can see, there have been some changes in expectations of a photographer in that time. Photography is also something people comment on when reminiscing about their day, especially if they got it wrong. I've heard a couple of friends and family wish they'd chosen different people, communicated more clearly, spent more money or chosen a different photographer. My original thought with regard to photography was that the people were more important than the things. Documenting the day was important, but documenting the people was the goal. This still holds true, but the more I grasp how much we're spending on all the components, the more important that it is documented correctly becomes. I'll admit that there is also a part of me that figures that if we're getting all spiffed up like that I want some damn good pictures of me... it doesn't happen often that I like pictures of me, minimising the risk that I'll hate all the pictures of me seems like a good investment, and this is one of the few chances one gets a significant portrait done.

So, at the moment, the photographer I really like, no one is overly impressed with his offer. Fair enough. I met him, and I clicked with him, he said the right things, he impressed me. (Those in sales take heed - personal connections are important). He offers a lot of time with his service, and not much specifically to touch and feel.

Since then, a photographer who has been sending me fliers from pretty much the first expo I went to has come up with a "show special" that interests me. Her basic package was way over my budget, and didn't include ownership of the digital images, so I'd always discounted her. Now, courtesy of the man mentioned above, the price realisation kicked in, that if I want a professional i will have to pay for it... so her price is in the range (if not slightly under it), and then she added the show special of a disc of all the shots.... bingo! She has my attention.
Tonight we are going to check out her studio and albums... see her work beyond the glossy brochure she sent.

Of course, BabyCakes has to like the photographer too. I realised the other night whilst discussing our options, that the photographer we choose will be sharing and be involved with a significant proportion of our day, they HAVE to fit with us, they have to make sense for us, and what we need.


Dressmakers
Ugh. This has been a task that I thought was going to be much easier, and much more fun that it has turned out to be. I have some specific ideas of what I want, and it seems to simple to me, and yet, people keep telling me how much more difficult (and therefore expensive), it really is.

I've been in touch with two whose names I got from Gardam's Fabrics and am in the process of trying to get together for a meeting (and not embarrass myself like last time). It looks like the week after next I'll have a meeting, and go from there.

I'm glad I don't have the added stress of worrying excessively over the cost - I've been offered my dress as a gift so that I do not let the dollar signs influence my decisions beyond what I really want. Thank you!




Well, I think that is a big enough post for today. Hopefully I won't leave it so long between posts next time!

Shakespeare Like You've Never Seen Him!

If you've got some time to watch silly movies, these are fun :)


Tales for the L33t - Part 1 - Romeo and Juliet

Tales for the L33t - Part 2 - Hamlet

It's been a little while.

I needed some time and space to think, and privately. Dad had a couple of stents in during his angiogram, which in itself is good, if it stops more of these hospital visits and makes him feel better. The fact that he needed them so soon after his bypass surgery is disturbing.

My Dad means the world to me and I needed to ponder life and death and how everything fits together for me at the moment. The good news is, that for me, life is fitting together ok. It could be better, but it could certainly be worse. I'm so glad I have BabyCakes in my life because I think that without him, I'd be lost.

We had a big disappointment with the sale of BabyCakes' Commodore falling through, again. Young guys these days don't seem to realise that when negotiating a cash price, they should actually have the CASH in their hands... we've had 2 guys negotiate a cash price and then have their finance fall through, one is still trying to find someone to give him the money... the other just wanted the price to be dropped to what they could get.........

Last night we went to a bridal expo, which is a very interesting experience. everything from a very hard sell to a guy who made me feel like I should put his business card back on the table... I doubt I'll buy from him even if he had anything I wanted.

BabyCakes and I would really like to get hot rods/muscle cars for our wedding cars, and anytime we've found anything close to it, they've been self drive hire cars. I don't understand it, I would have thought one would want to look after their babies... I certainly don't really want any of our families to be responsible for a car that is not their own. I just want some drivers to pick us off, drop us off, take some pics with the cars, drive us to the next spot and then I can forget about cars.... I guess I'll keep trawling hot rod websites and see who can help us out :)

I'm starting to realise that time is creeping on at this point, and the more we can get settled soon, the better off we will be. We had a celebrant turn us down due to not wanting to book a long weekend, which is fine... but our first "unavailability".

I haven't even contacted a dress maker yet, and I'm pretty sure I want a dress made for me. I think it might be time to start getting a bit serious.

We have a cake, and venues for wedding and for reception picked.... it's a good start.

The Die Is Rolling, Which Way Will It Land?

I made some calls today I'd put off for a while. It was nice to hide under a rock for a while and pretend I didn't have to deal with these issues.

There are definite changes afoot, I can't see the status-quo staying as it has been.

I don't know what I want from the next few weeks, but I think I'll be crying a bit in the mean time.

I'm glad I have BabyCakes to hug and kiss me each night.

Families are scary.


Or maybe I'm still doing too much thinking.

Getting Engaged is Life Altering...

and not just for the obvious reason. I knew a while ago that I wanted to spend my life with BabyCakes, have a family and grow old together.

What I didn't know was how much the act of organising a wedding and getting married was going to change me as a person. I've been thinking about so very much in the past few weeks, lots of it life changing.

I've had advice from all over the place that ranges from "Get eloped" to "Don't be afraid of picking what you actually want rather than what you think you can afford" and everything in-between. Mostly it has been at the elopement end of the scale - and usually from people who are married. There are of course two ways to read where this advice comes from.... those that have long had their weddings and have forgotten what it meant to them to have a wedding, or the voice of experience, those that have had the wedding and regretted spending that much money.

I never though I would spend a lot of money on a wedding, especially now that I have a mortgage. I did a "worst case scenario" budget last night, managing to find a way to keep the spending under $10,000. That doesn't include any honeymoon, photographer, car hire, favours or extended family at the wedding.

My Dad is one of six children, my Mum is one of four, my Step-Mum is one of six, I have four brothers, a stepbrother, a stepsister and a half sister.... nothing about my family is small. BabyCakes is one of four, his Mum is one of about eight (or more - lots of step brothers and sisters there), and his Dad is one of three. I have three grandparents still alive, BabyCakes doesn't.

Even without friends (and I think we're allowed friends), we have a lot of people to invite. It is confusing.

I grew up being taught how important family is. Not in a didactic way, but very very subtly, until it snuck up on me and it took someone else to point out how close we were for me to realise we were (thank you Wah!).

We moved a lot when we were kids, all across the country, and very regularly. Our family was our biggest constant growing up, sometimes that felt good, mostly as kids, that was bad......why couldn't that brother really get lost in the move? Now we (for the moment), are all over the country and even on the other side of the planet from each other, we've gained members since those bonding times, through marriage and relationships, but on the whole, we even socialise together.

I grew up to even like my family!

I'm joining another family, BabyCakes is joining mine yes, but I'm changing my name in commitment to his, to be a family ourselves.

I see that it is a big deal.

I want it to be a big deal.

Yes, it is money that doesn't seem very productive...

but it is important.

I don't plan on getting married again. I plan to get old and grey with BabyCakes. I plan to fight for our marriage. I plan to work it out, even when it hurts, and I plan to make my family with him the basis, the foundation of the rest of my life.

I want my friends and family to be there to witness this huge step in my life.

I want a kick arse party, the likes of which I'll never host again, and strange but true, I think I want that more than I want a new kitchen.

I don't think my tastes are so extravagant as to send us into debt for the start of our new life (well, not much more than we already are!).






Last year I wrote BabyCakes a poem for Valentines Day, the first time I'd ever sat down, brainstormed and wrote a poem. This year I felt bad that I had not done such a thing. I don't feel so bad now that I've cried through writing a post and found peace, but BabyCakes does that for me. I find peace with him often, and laughter, sometimes tears, but mostly laughter, and peace.


I'm glad I found BabyCakes, and I'm glad we're getting married.

Is there ever really a selfless action?

Julia Gillard (deputy leader of the opposition) stated that she believed that it would be ALMOST impossible to get to the top job in politics and be a mother as well. To say the public comment on it has been spirited is an understatement. Look at that comment again.... almost impossible, she didn't even say it cannot be done, she just said it would be very hard. You'd think she had said all women should stay in the kitchen and leave the work thing to men (which is pretty much a paraphrase of a comment I HAVE heard - from a woman). I honestly cannot see anything wrong with her expression her opinion this way.

I want to know why women who do not want children are labelled selfish, men do not seem to have the same expectation. I've seen plenty of women have children to fill a hole in their life.... that sounds selfish to me.

Does it also follow that people who can not have children are non-people?

This has been a bit of a ponderous thought for me for a while. Lots of people around me are having babies. Within my family it seems I'm a non-person as a childless spinster, everything revolves around the children in the family. (I'm sure this is not intended to be the case, but it sure feels like it - supported by the instance of my brother turning up for a family function without the children in tow as they had another engagement - the message was clear that he should not have done such a thing.) Do not get me wrong, my nieces and nephew are delightful children and they bring a whole new dynamic to the group gatherings and I love them to bits, but why are we no longer people worth knowing unless there is a child in our arms?

I suspect this is a very primal issue, procreation is a very strong force, and there are times when I desperately want a child, but there are also times when it scares the living heck out of me/I do not trust myself with being guardian over another life (but this has been the case for as long as I can remember). Why do people have to be so cruel in their derision for people who do not have children?

Why is it, in an educated society are Julia Gillard's comments so reaction provoking? Why is it that men do not seem forced to make decisions of career OR family in the same way women are? Why is it that teenage boys do not think about how to balance parenthood and a career? I'm not talking about pregnancy and birth here, I'm talking parenthood.

On the flip side, if either a man or a woman decided to that they wanted a family, as their largest priority, and did not want to work to be able to spend time with their children, why do we have to poo-poo it? "I want to be a parent when I grow up" is not an acceptable response on career day any more. I would love to meet a man who would be prepared to stay at home with the children and keep house.

Men and women are different. Celebrate it. Difference does not have to imply weakness, indeed our very differences should make us stronger, as teams.

Me, personally, I still oscillate on a pretty much daily basis as to whether I want children. When I knew I did not have an option it drove my every thought. Now that the door is open, I can walk past it without peeking in. (That I desperately wanted what I couldn't have is in my opinion just another way that I am completely human... I believe the human condition is to want what we do not have, it keeps us moving.)

I think Julia Gillard is pretty much on the money though. If you really really want the top job in anything, something has to give, there are only 24 hours in a day - and that goes for men and women. Why shouldn't she be able to leave her husband at home with the babies whilst she pursues her career? I think the witch hunt that would ensue would be of mammoth proportions.

People claim we are civilised and have moved beyond our primal urges, yet when someone decides to live that value, they are publicly vilified. People still make most of their decisions based on primal urges, and more women think with their genitals than would like to admit to it - another perfectly human trait.

If I (with BabyCakes), decide not to have children, it is a selfish decision. If we decide to have children, it will most definitely be a selfish decision. I know that I'll be better accepted with a child on my hip though.

/Rant

My fur-kid is giving me enough grief at the moment, I think I'll stick to that for the moment. The damn cat will not stay inside at the moment. I relented yesterday and let her out during the day. Last night she was relentless in patrolling the fly screens until she broke one and escaped. Do I give in to her tactics and let her out whenever she wants, get another cat to keep her company inside or lock the flat up tighter than a drum when I go to bed so she can't get out?

Egads, she'll turn me grey she will!

Yay for Health Insurance!

Having relatively recently recognised the fact that I'm getting old, and joined a Health Fund before I had to start paying more for it, today was the first time I actually got the benefit of paying my monthly premium - and it was fantastic! I got away with paying less than a half, more like a third of my usual bill at the dentist!! It was gooood!

Given my insurance premium is deducted from my account without me doing a thing about it, I've not really noticed the cost, except for the extra transaction appearing.

Such a small thing to celebrate, but I take what I can get!